Is it just me, my age, or something else?  I have found that once something begins to happen, things can move very quickly.  Is it possible for me to meet someone and then in just a few weeks start thinking about a long-term relationship with this person?

Yes, it is.

I have been given a lot of advice about dating and relationships.  My favorite is the one about dating being like a bag of jellybeans, you have to try a variety to find one you really like.  I have also had friends, friends of friends, Facebook friends, and family members telling me to take it slow, be cautious, and be safe.  Honestly.  I really have been trying to do this.  But it is like being caught up in a huge wave and being thrust toward the shore, not having any control over what is happening.  I admit I am not completely helpless in all of this.  I mean, I am a grown man, for crying out loud!  I take full responsibility for my actions.  Although, it still feels like being caught up and carried away.

Meeting someone new and getting to know them well can happen in a short period of time.  I think a lot of it is our age.  I mentioned this in my previous blog, that she is a widow, and I am a widower.  This fact created an immediate bond between the two of us.  As we have been spending a great deal of time together, we have learned that we have many other things in common.  We have what they call in sales training, “common ground” (I am sure she will appreciate me comparing our relationship to sales training).

We have found that people around us are not as happy for us as we would like them to be.  I can understand their concerns.  They see two people who have only known each other for a relatively short period of time and are now contemplating a long-term relationship (I keep using the wording “long-term relationship” to avoid using the “m” word).  I am not ready to start talking about THAT in this blog, maybe next time.

When I talk about having a long-term relationship, I mean this is serious business.  I am talking, selling my house, and moving.  I hate moving!  It is worse than having a root canal.  I have never actually had a root canal, but I have been to the dentist plenty of times and have had several unpleasant procedures to know how much I dislike moving.  I have to confess that a long-term relationship is not the only reason I am thinking of moving.  The other reason I am moving is because I live in a two-story home and I have really bad knees.  The stairs are wreaking havoc on my poor knees.  I need a home that has no, or very few, stairs.

I am now in the process of going through all of my stuff and trying to sell, donate, or give away most of my things.  Moving is extremely stressful.  Fortunately, I have had a lot of really good help.  In fact, my neighbor came over tonight and moved a bunch of boxes from my family room and basement to my garage.  I realize it is November, but I really do need to try and have a garage sale.  I will attempt to sell some of my stuff, but I am also considering giving away much of it to family, neighbors, and friends.  I have already given away my lawn mower and snow blower.  My lawn mower did not work at all and my snow blower has not been started in at least two years.  I have no idea if it even runs.  I provided full disclosure of this fact to my neighbor who took that beast off my hands.

Moving is incredibly stressful.  We have been working so hard trying to get ready to move we have not had much time to work on our “long-term relationship.”  At least that is how I feel.  I am looking forward to the day when we are settled into our new place.  A place that we do not have to walk up and down stairs, mow lawns, worry about sprinkler systems, or shoveling snow.  That would be great!

The trickiest part of all this is selling my home and buying a new home at the same time.  I realize I could become homeless for a period of time, unless the planets align, and lady luck is on my side (I do not really believe in that stuff).  I hope our real estate agent can work her magic and make things happen, so I do not become homeless.

Again, I am not prepared to go into details about my relationship with this truly kind and wonderful woman, at least not in this blog.  I will probably reveal more in my next blog.  I am being extremely cautious that this is happening so fast.  I believe we have spent enough time together to get to know one another on a deeper level.  I really feel like at my age I do not have time to mess around.  I have met someone special and I intend to pursue a serious, long-term relationship with her.

I wonder what they would call it in sales training.  “Close the deal!”  I think that is what they would say.

My first post on this blog was called “Love in a Pandemic.”  I wrote about using online dating sites to meet women.  For a while, things did not look promising at all.  On one dating site I was dealing with women who would not give me the time of day (the site I referred to as the “Snobby Women” web site).  I checked out another online dating site.  I was a little more successful on that one.  I met a few other women that I began chatting with online (I’m reminded of the movie Napoleon Dynamite when Napoleon’s brother says he has been chatting with “babes” online all day).

I even went on a couple of dates with one of them.  After a short while she decided that she did not want to see me anymore.  At first, I was devastated.  But then I started chatting with a few other women that I had met on the second web site.  All of these women were kind and willing to get to know me online.  My devastation soon dissipated.  I truly feel I have made some good friends, even though I have never met any of them in person.

More recently, things in my life have changed quite dramatically and very quickly.  A friend of mine read my first blog, “Love in a Pandemic.”  After reading it, she decided she wanted to introduce me to her aunt.  She asked her husband to send me a text message and ask if I was interested in meeting her.  I said yes. I thought it was a great idea. 

Our introduction was a picnic in the park.  I mean that literally, not figuratively.  We each brought our own lunch.  We ate.  Then we played dominoes.  It was a lot of fun.  When we were finished, I asked the aunt if I could call her sometime.  She gave me her number, which I thought was a good sign, and we started talking and chatting.

On our first date, we went to dinner and spent about three hours talking (yes, we wore masks).  It was so unbelievable how much we had in common.  For example, she is a widow.  Her husband died about five years ago.  I am a widower.  My wife died about two years ago.  We had that in common.  As we talked, we discovered we had many other things in common.  It has been four weeks and during that time we have been seeing each other quite frequently.

Having gone through all of that, I would not change a thing about my online dating experience.  I learned a lot about online dating and how things work in today’s dating environment. However, I would suggest trying alternatives to online dating sites such as social media sites that have specific groups created for meeting others and the potential for dating.  The one I joined was specifically for people over 50.  There are a lot of really nice people in this group and when I joined, I received a warm welcome.

If I end up dating again (I hope not), I will primarily use these social media sites to meet others.

I have also learned there are a lot of single women out there and not very many respectable single men.  In the state where I live there is a predominate religion.  I have heard that there are quite a few single women affiliated with this denomination and very few men.

Another thing I learned is if you meet someone online that you like, do not wait too long to meet them.  Someone else may swoop in and snatch them up.  I have learned a great deal about myself through these online dating experiences.  I have learned that if women do not want to talk to me or take the opportunity to get to know me, it is not me.  It is them.  I have also learned not to place my self-worth in the hands of a few who do not want to know me for who I am.

Now that I am “seeing” someone exclusively, this part of my adventure (I guess you could call it Phase I) is coming to an end.  Now it is time for Phase II.  I do not know how many phases there will be, but I will continue writing this blog as long as I feel like I am learning and have something to share with all of you.

Since dipping my toe into the dating scene, it feels like my life has become difficult and somewhat complicated.  I appreciate the love and support my friends and family have extended to me over the past several months.  It really has made things much easier having the support of so many.  I am especially grateful for my friend who introduced me to her aunt.  Although, it does feel like I somehow circumvented the whole dating thing and cheated my way into Phase II.

I decided it might be helpful to sit down and write about what I have learned so far from dating.  Since I started this blog, I have been on a few dates.  The women that went on these dates with me have all been truly kind.  I have also done my best to be kind to them.  I have to confess, not all of my dates have been with women I met online, although it was my primary strategy at first.  I’m still having some difficulty trying to get to know the women I meet online, at least those that will respond to my messages, smiles, flirts, or whatever they are.  But actually, being able to meet them in person, is a whole other story.  However, I did meet one genuinely nice woman by being introduced through mutual friends.

I liked being introduced to a woman by mutual friends rather than actually going online to try and meet someone who knows absolutely nothing about me, except what I write in my personal profile.  I have learned that women don’t necessarily trust men enough to believe what they have written in their personal profile.  I have also found that many men on these dating sites are actually married!  All they want is a “hook-up,” which I found out is what they call it these days (yes, it’s a thing).  Again, this is one of those new phrases I know nothing about nor how to use it properly, especially because it is unfamiliar slang.  I also discovered there are online dating sites setup for this specific purpose, to find a hook-up!  I guess a hook-up is meeting someone strictly for the purpose of exploring a mutual physical attraction.  I could try to define this in more specific terms, but I’m trying to maintain a blog that has a PG rating.

The real advantage to being introduced by someone you know, and she knows, is you get validation about the other person’s personality and genuineness.  In other words, you can pretty well believe what your friends are telling you about this other person and what they’re telling the other person about you.

A woman that I met on an online dating site told me about an over 50’s “Group” affiliated with one of the more popular social media sites.  First of all, I’m really happy that this person told me about this group.  It’s been really fun meeting so many new people.  I’m also impressed because this woman told me about this group for no apparent reason.

I have been on several dates with the woman I was introduced to by our mutual friends.  It really has been a lot of fun.  I haven’t gotten really serious with any of these women.  Heck!  It’s only been a short period of time since I have even started dating.

A short while ago I was dating another woman that I really liked, only to find out she didn’t like me as well as I liked her.  Ouch!  We got along really well and liked each other, so I know we will remain really good friends.  There is nothing wrong with having friends that are women.  Who knows, they may have a single friend they may want to introduce me to.

What I’ve learned from all of this is if one method of meeting women isn’t working, move on to another.  Although, I highly recommend meeting someone through mutual friends, family members, or your cousin’s best friend’s nephew’s former roommate’s sister (something like that, yes, I stole that from a movie).  When it comes to love, you just never know what’s going to happen.

You also don’t need to worry about wearing sunglasses, a classy watch, nor a leather Bomber Jacket.  Although, you may want to go with the new shoes.

After my wife passed away, I realized that I had a lot of work to do.  I don’t just mean making funeral arrangements and sorting out financial affairs, I mean what am I going to do with all of this “stuff?”

Okay, here’s the deal, when my wife and I got married I had quite a bit of stuff.  My wife also had a lot of stuff.  Then, throughout our 15 year marriage we accumulated even more stuff.  Then, my mother passed away, my maternal grandmother passed away, and my father passed away, within about a year of each other.  After the dust settled, guess who ended up with all of their stuff?  What a mess!

It was a real challenge trying to figure out what to do with all of their belongings.  We ended up holding an estate sale.  We sold almost everything.  Then, we donated some of the rest of it.  We tossed more of it, but there was still stuff that ended up coming home with me.

Now that my wife has passed, I am stuck with all of these belongings that never belonged to me.  Plus, I still have all of the belongings my wife and I accumulated over our 15 years of marriage.  I am now on my own, in this big house, that is way too big for just me.  Heck, it was even too big for my wife and me.  So, I have been thinking about downsizing.  To be completely honest I still have almost all of my wife’s clothes and personal items.  She had a lot of books too.  I let my brother-in-law come and take three totes full of books.  My bookshelves look like they haven’t even been touched!  In other words, I still have a ton of books.

In order for me to downsize, I am going to have to get rid of a lot of this stuff.  I would like to give most of it away to family.  Some of it I would like to sell.  The rest of it I would like to just toss.  I even need to go through all of my stuff and decide what to do with it.  I think a good portion of it just needs to be donated or tossed.  I would like to give some of my possessions to my kids.  But they can’t have my records until I’m gone.

I’ve been thinking that maybe I ought to rent one of those household sized dumpsters.  I could throw out all of my “stuff to be tossed” items into the dumpster.  I don’t even know where I would find one of these dumpsters.  I would probably need it for a few days because I would still have to sort through all of this stuff and decide what to do with it.  Then I would have to find people to help me carry all of the “to be tossed” junk into the dumpster.

One of the important questions I have about downsizing is, where would I go?  I could sell my house and come away with a good chunk of equity.  But where am I going to live?  If I bought another home, even if it was a smaller home than what I have now, in this market, it’s still going to be pricey.  The equity from my current home might cover the down payment on a new home.  But I would probably be stuck with a huge mortgage that I can’t afford.

I really don’t want to move out of the area I’m in.  I live in a place called Stansbury Park.  It’s in Tooele County, Utah.  It is such a wonderful place to live.  I really like all of my neighbors (even those that have dogs that bark incessantly), I love the people in my church, and I really like living in this somewhat rural community.  From where I live, Salt Lake City is only about 30 miles away.  It’s not a big deal for me to drive into Salt Lake to go shopping or go to doctor appointments.  Sometimes I even drive into town just to go to dinner.  Plus, my children, my daughter-in-law, and grandson live in the Salt Lake area.  I enjoy driving into town to see them.

You Tube has been my go to solution for learning about stuff I know nothing about.  So, that’s where I went to see if I could find some answers to my dilemma.  Most of these “experts” claimed to be interested in helping you downsize.  What I found out is most these folks are real estate agents.  They are only interested in selling you a home.

I did find one remarkably interesting video on downsizing.  It was posted by a woman that just went through the downsizing process before moving into her new home.  Her video was “25 things to get rid of when downsizing.”  Some of the items on her “get rid of” list didn’t pertain to me, like paint, old shower curtains, baby clothes, old toys, and old rugs.  I really don’t have any of that kind of stuff.

She did have some items on her list that definitely pertained to me and I have plenty of these items in my home, like kitchen gadgets, coffee mugs, games, college textbooks, and old technology.  My wife and I collected a large number of kitchen gadgets over the years.  For example, we actually have a set of measuring spoons for: a tad, a smidgen, a pinch, and a dash.  I’m serious!  I actually have these.  I have already gotten rid of a bunch of coffee mugs since I quit drinking coffee.  I tell myself I will use the remaining mugs for hot chocolate.  Who am I kidding?  I have at least a dozen board games that I will never play.  Most of them have never even been opened.  I also still have my college textbooks.  Why?  I have no idea.  They’re 40 years old.  I’m never going to use them again.  Lastly, I still have quite a bit of old technology laying around.  I have some cd players, a dvd player, a Wii game that I will never play, and several old cell phones that need to go. Believe me, I have plenty of stuff that needs to go.  It’s overwhelming.  It’s also been very difficult to think about getting rid of stuff that my wife was fond of, like her machete.  Yes, my wife actually had a machete from when she was in Honduras.  What in the world am I going to do with a machete?  I wish I could use it to hack away all of my stuff!

The other day I sent my daughter a text message to let her know I chose her to be the custodian of my Facebook account in case something happens to me.  Her reply was “Is that even a thing?”  I’ve been hearing this phrase for a while now.  I laugh when someone says it.  I’m wondering if, being 61, a widower, and single is a “thing.”  I guess it probably is.

Recently, I have been working on embracing my singleness.  It wasn’t my choice to become single again.  I would much rather still be married to my wife.  Since that isn’t happening, I have no choice but to do my best to live my life happily without a spouse.  The blogs I have been posting are about what it’s like to be single after 15 years of marriage.  It’s tough!  Adjusting to single life is no walk in the park.

I have already talked about the online dating scene.  What a farce!  I have also been looking for “Dating Advice for Men over 60.”  This has been a real challenge!  Most of the advice they provide is for women.  Here are some words of advice they are giving these women: “What do Single Men Over 60 Really Want,” “Dating Over 60 – 3 Tips to Give You Confidence,” and “5 Questions to Never Ask a Man When Dating over 50.”  I even watched a video about how a woman should flirt with a man.  I thought dating advice for men was complicated.  But this is overwhelmingly complicated.  Apparently, many women think “older men” want a younger woman.  What!?  I have no idea why a man would want to date a younger woman (I’m thinking he’s 50 and she’s 27).  What in the world would they have in common?  For example, music is especially important to me.  I would like to meet a woman that is close to my age and is at least familiar with my kind of music, which happens to be “Classic Rock,” rock and roll from the 60’s and 70’s.  I guess you could include some music from the early 80’s if you wanted to.  Yes, Classic Rock is a thing.  Movies are also important to me.  I would like to meet a woman who knows what “Wayne’s World” is.  I don’t think that’s asking too much.  It’s not like I’m asking them to understand all of the nuances of Dr. Strangelove or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (yes, that is the real title of the movie – look it up).

There are other aspects to being single, you know, the “thing,” that I would like to discuss.

Since becoming single, I have noticed that some of my behaviors are changing.  For example, I find that I talk to myself.  A lot!  Out loud!  I especially find myself yelling at the television while watching football.  I also make rude comments during television commercials.  Yes.  Out loud with no one else in the room or even in the house.  More recently I have started talking to my computer.  I do not mean voice recognition or anything like that.  I mean talking to the women that appear on my online dating sites.  If only these women could hear what I am saying to them.  Wouldn’t that be something?  Then, I just laugh at myself.  I think, “This is crazy!”

These changes started to occur during the past few months.  I have no idea why this is happening.  Maybe it’s the pandemic.

I do not know if this is related, but I have also started singing out loud while listening to some of my favorite music, especially while driving in my car.  My wife and I used to “scream sing,” that is what we called it, to some of our favorite songs, like “Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner” by Warren Zevon (the guy who wrote Werewolves of London).  We used to scream sing to that one in the car a lot!  There are a lot of others that we also sang.  I guess it has just carried over from that.  Honestly, I don’t even know most of the words to many of these songs.  But I sing them out loud anyway, with great vigor.

I said in one of my other blogs that I like having free reign of the remote control.  I do not know how much of a change this is, but I have only recently become aware of feeling this way.  I guess I used to just take it for granted.  The challenge now is trying to operate multiple remotes.  Thanks to “streaming,” I now have a remote for my satellite, one for my television, one for my sound, one for my Blu-ray player, and one that I’m not sure what it does.  I know “streaming” is a thing now, but it didn’t used to be.  I remember black and white television with rabbit ear antennas and tin foil wrapped around the top.  So, you can understand why It took me a long time to even figure out what “streaming” was.  Now I’m signed up for Disney+, Amazon Prime, and a few others.  I guess that’s what “streaming” is.  I think there are other kinds of “streaming” that I’m not familiar with.  I have to have my 13 year old nephew explain it all to me.  It’s not his fault that I still don’t understand it all.

Another change I’ve made is keeping a journal.  I started writing in it at the beginning of September 2020.  I did this not so much to keep a record of what I have done, but to write down and keep a record of my thoughts and feelings about being single and what it’s like trying to date again.  This is important and is a thing.  It has been a good release for me because of living alone and not having anyone else around most of the time.  Hey!  If can’t talk to myself, who else am I going to talk to?

Okay, full disclosure, which is also a thing, it’s difficult keeping up with all these “things,” I do have a 13 year old nephew and he has tried to explain stuff (notice I didn’t say “things”) to me.  But I exaggerated earlier about to what degree he helps me.  I’m usually so baffled by technology, current verbiage, and streaming I have to just pretend like I understand what people are talking about. I am incredibly grateful that, at the very least, I can operate my computer well enough to write my blog and post it on Facebook, so people know that it’s out there.  So being single and trying to navigate the current culture is most definitely a thing.

I’ve been trying to navigate this whole dating thing since I decided I wanted to jump into the dating pool.  What a mess!  How does a 61 year old man figure out how to date after being married for 15 years and single again for two more?  That’s 17 years total since dating anyone.  Since then, believe me, the rules have changed, a lot!

So, I went online and tried to find some advice from the so called “experts.”  It was no help at all.  This one “dating coach” said to wear things that girls love.  First of all, I’m not looking for “girls.”  I would like to meet a nice woman.  I’m too old for girls.  I listened to what this dating coach said.  If I did follow her advice, I feel like I would be trying to be someone I’m not.

The first thing she said was to wear sunglasses.  Ugh!  I have prescription sunglasses and I usually only wear them when I’m driving.  I’m certainly not wearing them to try to look cool or attractive or whatever the goal is here.  She also said men should wear a nice watch.  Sorry, I don’t wear jewelry.  If I ever get married again, I’ll wear my wedding ring, but no watch.  Sorry ladies.  She said to wear a few other things, but the one thing that really got to me was she said to wear a leather jacket.  What!?  I’m not a leather kind of person.  I’m only interested in meeting women, not in joining a motorcycle gang.  She also said to wear a bomber jacket.  Now that is something I could get into.  I really like bomber jackets.  I’ve looked for them online in the past, but I’m not buying a leather bomber jacket.

The point is, I just want to be me.  Yes, I will try to dress nice.  I’ll even take a shower, brush my teeth, and comb my hair.  But I’m not wearing sunglasses just to be cool, a watch, nor a leather bomber jacket.  That’s just not my style.  When I was in college, we attended events that required semi-formal dress.  We thought that meant clean underwear and socks (college kids.  What are you gonna do)?  That I could handle.  I think that rule still applies, only with a few more requirements added on.

I watched a video about how to flirt with women over text.  I watched it and decided all of this was too confusing.  Again, I just can’t see myself doing those things.  I mean some of the things she suggested were only common sense, like compliment her, and don’t be overly aggressive or needy.  Well, yeah.  Again, common sense.  But use emoji’s?  And not just any emoji, she said to use the smiley face that was blushing or the smirk face.  I don’t think my phone has those things.  I found an emoji that has a smiley face, but I couldn’t locate one that was blushing too.  It’s all just too much pressure to try and remember all of this.

There was another video that suggested 10 signs someone likes you.  Again, I’m not sure I can figure this out.  I’m not that perceptive.  After all, I’m a man and half brain dead anyway.  She wants me to pay attention to body language.  To me body language is smiling or folding her arms across her chest (not a good sign) or playing with her cell phone while I’m talking to her.  At that point it’s a pretty good indication that I’ve lost her.

I just don’t know about all of this.  Why can’t I just be me?  I will admit there are a few things these “experts” said I thought might be worthwhile.  For example, shoes.  I definitely need new shoes.  I need a new pair of tennis shoes (okay, sneakers), two new pairs of dress shoes (one black and one brown), and a nice pair of casual shoes.  That would take care of that.  Oh, and yes, the bomber jacket.  I for sure want one of those.

This is my approach to dating.  Practice good manners, you know chew with my mouth closed, don’t reach across the table, and my grandfather’s favorite, always keep at least one foot on the floor.  Another one is, be polite, for example open doors for her, help her put her coat on, let her go first, and give her my handkerchief if she starts to cry or needs to blow her nose (I better buy some new handkerchiefs).  Do they even make those anymore?  Next, make her laugh.  I have found from reading many dating site profiles that women want a man that will make her laugh.  Apparently, this is extremely important, because almost every profile I looked at said something about making her laugh.  Talk about pressure!  Also, be kind, not just to my date, but to other people also.  I never want to be a jerk, at all, but especially in front of my date.  To me, these things are important.  I guess I’m old fashion.  I realize that my date is perfectly capable of opening her own doors and putting her coat on without my help.  I just believe that’s the way to be a gentleman and I want to be a gentleman.  That’s the way my mother and father raised me.

Ultimately, I just want to be me.  I don’t want to try to be someone I’m not.  If that doesn’t work in being able to meet and date women, then I’m not interested.  After all, I want to be with someone who will accept me just the way I am…and my bomber jacket.

If this pandemic didn’t make it difficult enough to find love, I’ve discovered that being 61 and trying to find love is no piece of cake either.  In my last blog I mentioned trying to find help on YouTube, which isn’t really much help at all.  But there were a few things I discovered that may be why I’m not having much success meeting women, especially on the “snobby women” site, which I also talked about in my last blog.

One of the “experts” on YouTube suggested that widowers (that would be me) weren’t good prospects for love or marriage.  I guess some feel that widowers are somehow still too attached to their deceased spouse and we are just looking for someone to replace them.  What a bunch of bunk!  Yes, I miss my wife, and yes, I still love her, and yes, I still think about her, especially on significant days like anniversaries.  But I’m not naïve enough to think I’m going to be able to find someone to replace her.

I would like to meet someone completely new.  Someone that I can become friends with, fall in love, and eventually get married.  I mean, isn’t that what dating is all about?  Why date if you’re not interested in marrying that person.  I wrote on one of my online dating site profiles that I’m not interested in a long-term dating relationship.  If I’m going to date someone, I want to know if we’re compatible and find out if there is potential for marriage.  I have no inclination in spending the rest of my life alone.

I suppose it’s a possibility that I won’t find anyone to marry and spend the rest of my life alone.  Is that such a bad thing?  As one of my friends said, “I’d rather remain single than in a relationship with the wrong person.”  Those may not have been her exact words, but I think it still has the same meaning.  Someone else once said “There are worse things than being single.”  I think that is absolutely true.  I also heard someone say, “There are a lot of single people out there and there is a reason why they’re single.”  I guess that could include me.  Besides, being single has it’s perks.  I can watch as much football as I want.  I can leave my socks on the floor, “eh! I’ll just pick ‘em up later.”  I can have bad manners.  I don’t have to worry about offending her if I belch really loudly, or if I cough, hack, and spit, or blow my nose loudly, or release other bodily functions.

I’ve already been married twice, divorced once, and widowed once.  I think a lot of women believe that I’m not good relationship material because of these factors.  So, I wonder what else these online dating women see in me or don’t see in me that would make them distance themselves.

I’m not oblivious to the fact that I’m overweight.  I’m guessing that’s part of it.  It would be nice if at least some of these women would take the time to get to know me before passing judgement on me solely for that reason.

So here are some other barriers to falling in love: CATS!  I am deathly allergic to cats.     Cats might be a deal breaker.  Dogs, not so much.  One of the other barriers would be religion.  I’m looking for someone that belongs to the same faith that I do.  I just think it makes things a lot easier.  My wife married me in spite of that difference between us.  She was of one faith and I was of another.  We agreed earlier on not to try and convert each other.  I think we made it work because of that.  I encouraged her to practice her faith and she encouraged me to practice mine.  Something else I worry about is, let’s say I meet a nice woman, fall in love, and want to get married.  Where would we live?  I’ve been told that sometimes he moves in with her or she moves in with him.  I’ve also heard about couples that both sell their homes and buy a different home together.

I realize that at this point when I think about such things, I’m getting way ahead of myself.  I’m probably worrying about too many “what ifs.”  I guess I should just wait until I actually meet someone that I want to marry.  But, due to my anxiety, I do think about these things and fret about them.

Is this all sounding too complicated?  It is to me.  I don’t even know if it’s all worth it.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay single.  But I think I’m one of those people that isn’t meant to be single.  During the last almost 40 years, I’ve been single for a total of about four or five years, including the last two.  The rest of the time I’ve been married.  That is a lot of years being married.  I guess that’s just what I’m used to.  I’m also getting used to having free reign of my remote control.

After 15 years of marriage my wife passed away unexpectedly.  My life was turned upside down that day.  I had no idea what I was going to do.  My wife and I had discussed this very thing.  We both thought she would be able to handle things much better if I died first, than I would if she died first.  As it turns out we were right.  When my wife died, I was suddenly on my own.

The first year-and-a-half things went pretty well.  I had all of my in-laws, my children, and people from church that I could visit and do things with. I didn’t think about falling in love again.  I just didn’t think anyone would want me.

Then the pandemic hit.  Once again, my world was turned upside down.  I could not visit with my children, friends from church, and my in-laws.  I was alone. At first things weren’t too bad.  But the isolation and the loneliness set in after a couple of months.  I began to think about dating and finding someone to love and that would love me.

Prior to the pandemic I was having lunch with a friend of mine.  I told her I thought I was ready to start meeting women and dating.  She said the way to meet people these days was online dating.  Online dating?  I wanted to meet women.  I wanted to have someone to do things with, like go to dinner, see a movie, or just hang out and listen to music.  You know, become friends, and see where it leads.  I had never done online dating before.  I didn’t know the first thing about it or how to go about.  So, I took my friend’s advice and signed up on a certain online dating site.  What a disaster!

I got so discouraged because none of these women would talk to me or respond to my messages or initiate conversation with me.  The only women that showed interest in me were from out-of-state.  I found out later, the hard way, that many of these out-of-state women were scammers.  I thought the women on this dating site were snobs!  Why wouldn’t they chat with me or even tell me to buzz-off?  Instead, I just got no response at all, of any kind.  So, when my subscription was up, I did not renew it.  I was offline for several months.

I don’t know how or why, but I decided to give it another shot.  It was still a disaster.  I changed my profile picture.  I changed my profile.  I updated all of my information.  I thought this might help.  No such luck!  Then I came across another dating site.  These women seemed more interested.  But, again, most of them were out of state.

I finally found a few women that would chat with me.  I’ve made a couple of virtual friends (if I can call it that).  We chat online mostly.  There is one woman that I talk to on the phone now.  We also send text messages to each other.  This is huge progress for me.

The biggest difficulty for me is to know how to go about doing all of this online stuff.  How does it work?  What do I say?  What do I do?  How often do I send them messages?  How often do I call them?  I can’t ask them out on a date because we’re all isolating ourselves due to the pandemic.  Nobody wants to risk catching this dreaded disease, including me!  I fall into the high risk category, so I have to be extra careful.

So, how do I find love during this pandemic?  It’s so completely different than when I was single 15 to 16 years ago.  I will have to go about this in such a different way, but how do I figure it out?  YouTube is no help.  The advice they give is for younger single people.  What they propose, at least in my opinion, falls into the category of “playing games.”  I don’t play games.  Love is a serious matter.  There’s no room for playing games in my book.  Besides, I’m no good at it.  I’m too straight forward and honest.  I’m not going to tell some woman what I think she wants to hear.  I’m going to tell her what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling.

I’m telling you right now!  Love in this era, during this pandemic, is tough!